Monday, 2 November 2015

Manspreading

Just a quick note. Mostly a rant. I travel a lot. I'm that annoying person that gets seated before you and gets to check luggage for free. Because travel doesn't suck any less for me, I'm not going anywhere fun and I have to do it all the time, these tiny perks make my life in airports bearable. I'm also not a very big person. I take very little of the available space on the earth (or in the sky). And since I can check my bag for free, I'm not taking up any of the precious overhead bin space. My footprint is small. So, can we talk about why yours is so large? You and I purchased the same amount of space. I am small enough and compact enough that I should really have a buffer. I get that you're taller and weigh more, but dude, that doesn't afford you the right to my foot space and to exclusive use of the middle armrest. It also doesn't mean that you, because of what I can only assume is your pendulous penis and ball sack, get to press your leg against mine, nor that every time you move your upper body that you get to Gordie Howe me in the boob or what have you. I'm very sorry that you have a confined space, and congratulations on your enormous organ, but, here's the thing, what if I was a guy? A guy of equal size? I see it all the time, two big guys sitting beside each other. It's as if each has leprosy, the desperation each uses to make sure there is never any touching, never any encroachment. WHY can't I be afforded that similar...disgust? Maybe I should stop showing before flights. Maybe I should let my dental hygiene slide a little. Or maybe I should make a scene, or even a gentle reminder of personal space instead of just ranting here on my phone...but the thing is, I can be on upwards of 4 flights a day. I do not have the energy to correct your bad manners and the bad manners of every single well endowed person that sits beside me. It's been six years of this. I'll see if I can submit it as an agenda item for the next general meeting of your Enormous Dick Society. I bet there's four feet of space between each chair.

Same goes to you jabby mcjabberson sitting behind me. Have you really never had a smart phone? You don't know how touch, I reiterate: TOUCH, screens works? This, this is why I use my express check-in lane and the lounge. We all sit up there and drink, buffering ourselves to this nonsense.